


Take My Hand (take my everything)

by 2sdaynight



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Bipolar David Rose, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Its about the Tenderness of it all, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 06:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19435912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2sdaynight/pseuds/2sdaynight
Summary: Patrick feels, not for the first time, like a worshiper on his knees before the heavens.(or a short fic about David being bipolar and Patrick helping him through a panic attack)





	Take My Hand (take my everything)

**Author's Note:**

> really wanted to write something introspective on Patrick's feelings for David and then of course I couldn't help but throw in some bipolar David head canons ^ ^

With a dozen yellow roses, lunch from the cafe, and boxed chocolate cake in hand, Patrick Brewer made his way back to the apothecary, and more importantly, back to the love of his life. He smiled to himself, already thinking of the gentle welcoming kiss he would be receiving from his fiancé upon his return. Every kiss with David felt special, from the very beginning David had lit his insides on fire with the feel of his lips, and Patrick has no desire to see the fire quelled.   
  


Walking up to the storefront was enough to burst Patrick out of his bubble however. Seeing that all the lights were off and the ‘Open’ sign was flipped to ‘Closed’, he immediately switched from dazed to just a dash of worried.   
  


David hadn’t been feeling his best lately, and Patrick had noticed. Although David refused to put a voice to it, Patrick could tell he was headed towards a downswing, and was trying his best to help keep his fiancé’s head above water.   
  


‘It feels like I’m drowning.’ David had once described to him, his head resting in the crook of Patrick’s neck as he ran his fingers gently up and down Patrick’s arm in that way that always gives him goosebumps on the back of his neck. It had been a very emotional night, lots of crying, a big misunderstanding, and a bit of arguing that ended with the two of them holding each other so closely Patrick thought they might never be able to separate again. ‘Like these waves keep pulling me under and I can't catch my breath long enough to steady myself no matter how hard I try… and I’m fucking trying Patrick.’   
  


That day Patrick had silently vowed to be David’s lifeguard.   
  


This is how he found himself at the door to the apothecary with David's favorite flowers, favorite lunch, and favorite dessert, all in an attempt to lighten his mood even slightly. Patrick had only noticed him acting differently for about a day or two, and had hoped this little surprise would be just the thing David needed to soften the blow of this downward spiral.   
  


“David?” Patrick called as he entered the dark store. No response was heard, and seeing a mess of spilled body milk on the floor, Patrick felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. A day or two was plenty long enough for something as trivial as a dropped shipment of body milk to set David’s nerves alight, but not usually enough for it to induce a store closing panic attack.   
  


Trying not to run, Patrick made his way into the back room to find his fiancé huddled against the far back wall near the stacks of empty boxes. He had his knees pulled to his chest and his head in his hands as tremors wracked his body, and Patrick could just barely hear the choked sobs he was fighting back. David always fought so hard.   
  


Patrick set his gifts down on the nearest surface, tunnel vision focusing on the man in front of him as he gently walked over to his hiding spot. Doing his best not to spook him, Patrick sank to his knees in front of the sobbing figure before him. David made no move to acknowledge his presence, other than possibly shaking even more than before.   
  


“David, is it alright if I touch you?” he asked softly, or as softly as he can manage with the lump in his throat.   
  


David’s head remained buried in his hands as he gave a jerky nod, refusing to unfold himself but thankfully not too far gone to accept Patrick’s offer. He had to hold back from pulling David into his lap entirely, but Patrick let his own shaky hand reach over to card through his fiancés hair, an action he was very aware put David at ease.   
  


Today however, he ran his hands through it about three times before David wretched with a sob quite a bit rougher than the ones beforehand. David barely managed to force out a garbled “I’m so sorry.” Before Patrick’s wall breaks.   
  


“Don’t be, you’re fine.” He says sternly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”   
  


At this David choked out another ragged sob, taking his hands from his face and grabbing fistfuls of his own hair to tug at painfully. He tried to find his words, but they were lost entirely in the sea of racing thoughts he found himself struggling to swim in.   
  


Patrick thought back through the past week, silently compiling all the signs that he’d missed regarding David’s current mental health, more than a bit dismayed to realize how many there were. David was a rapid cycler, sure, but there were always signs when he was slipping further down than normal.   
  


He should’ve noticed sooner that David had been journaling far less than normal, that he’s barely picked up his favorite pens in days. He should’ve noticed that David wasn’t taking as long to get ready in the morning, that he was skipping steps in his skin and hair care routines. He should’ve noticed David was less picky about what they watched, he should’ve noticed David not finishing his meals, He should’ve noticed David being a little more clingy, He should’ve-   
  


With another loud sob, David pulled Patrick out of his train of thought and back to reality. His fiancé needed his help, and Patrick was all too ready to do anything that could possibly be asked of him.   
  


“David, darling, do you think you can look at me? Please?”   
  


And David, sweet David, his David, who has never been able to deny Patrick anything when he uses pet names, ever so slowly lifts his head to look him in the eye.   
  


Body still wracked with tremors, eyes bloodshot, and cheeks hot and red and soaking wet, David looked at Patrick with a determined expression, as though it was taking all his will power to look forward rather than continue his crying. Patrick understood well that that was the exact situation David found himself in, and his heart swelled with pride that David had managed even this.   
  


“Hey handsome.” Patrick smiled.   
  


“Hey yourself.” He tried, but his voice croaked hoarsely, face contorting in disgust at the sound out of his own mouth. Another tremor shook its way through David’s body, and Patrick could tell he had little to work with before David would start crying again. He rest his hands on David’s shoulders, lightly massaging until David released the fistfuls of hair he had still been tugging on. After a few minutes of this, eye contact and shoulder rubs as David shakes and holds back his sobs, Patrick breaks the silence.   
  


“Do you want to talk about it or do you want distractions?” he asked. David looks conflicted, and Patrick almost retracts his question to say they can just sit for as long as he needs, anything David needs, when he hears his answer.   
  


“I’m so sorry.” He says once more, voice rougher than Patrick’s heart can bear.   
  


“Hey, no, don’t do that to yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong David, the body milk can be cleaned and replaced, and you can’t blame yourself for your panic attacks, they aren’t your fault.” He tries, but David is shaking his head from the start, not taking in a word Patrick had said.   
  


“No I mean-” David lets out a low frustrated growl, “I mean I’m sorry for like. Everything! For all of! This!” he gestures wildly to himself. “I’m the absolute worst and you have to put up with me every fucking day!”   
  


Patrick was a bit dumbfounded, he and David had had this conversation before, in both times of panic and ease they had discussed David’s insecurities at being Too Much for Patrick to handle. Worries that Patrick’s resentment was building up like a dam, and one day the wall would break. These fears stemmed back to old lovers and past relationships, something Patrick knew he couldn’t heal David from, but he could hold David’s hand as he made the recovery journey himself.   
  


He was surprised though, after not needing to have this conversation since the engagement, to find David was still struggling this much with the basic concept of being wanted.   
  


“I don’t  _ have _ to do anything David. I choose to do this.” He gave a lopsided smile, trying to show David there was nothing to be worried about. “I’m the one who proposed to you, remember?”   
  


David in turn said nothing, but gave a frustrated whine. After time and experience, Patrick is aware that this means ‘I know you’re right but my brain won’t let me believe you’ and that David is holding back from voicing all of the irrational arguments he must be cycling through in his head.   
  


Grabbing David’s hand in his own, Patrick slowly works his fingers to slot between his fiancés, giving him a soft squeeze before bringing the backside of David’s hands to rest on Patrick’s own chest. From here he was sure David could feel the heart nearly pounding out of Patrick’s body, a muscle the size of his fists trying so hard to punch its way out of his ribcage when he’s with David that he swears he's going to actually break a rib just from seeing him smile one of these days.   
  


“David…” he said softly, gently, trailing off at the end at a loss for what to say.   
  


Words alone have never been enough for David, the man needing something more tangible when it came to feelings. In his old life, David’s “friends” had plenty of kind words for him, hollow and devoid of meaning and all too kind. The thought made Patrick sick, to know someone had taken David’s trust and shattered it in front of him, but he was more than happy to work around these hang ups, to devote himself entirely to David through action.   
  


‘I think you’re amazing.’ He says with the framed business license he had spent the past twenty four hours taking in and out of said frame, trying to decide if was too much of a gesture too soon into their meeting. Even after all the agonizing he couldn't bring himself to own up to it, and thankfully so considering David hated the frame. He was still able to go home that night with the image of David trying to hide his smile every time he looked over at the license though, so Patrick considered it a win.   
  


‘You’re changing my life.’ He says with his birthday gift for David, another framed memory but this time, thankfully, up to David’s aesthetic standards. Out of the corner of his eye he's sees Stevie’s jaw drop and tries to ignore it as he insists it's nothing. His heart almost stops when David reassures him that “this is not nothing”, smiling so warmly that Patrick wonders how he’s not melting, wonders how Stevie’s not melting, wonders how the entire restaurant isn’t so caught up in the bright warm light of David Rose that the walls themselves aren’t coming down.    
  


‘I would do anything for you’ Patrick says with every kiss he’s privileged enough to place on David’s lips, David’s cheeks, David’s forehead, shoulders, neck, and anywhere and everywhere else he can manage. He knows of David’s past relationships, knows enough of what they consisted of to be oh so hyper aware of the way David holds on to him and even kisses him as though he’s scared Patrick would run at any second, hands a little too grabby and lips a little too frantic. It breaks his heart, to think these fears were based on the cold hard facts of David’s old reality, and he was all too happy to hold David just as tightly as David holds him, to lead the kiss until David is more sure of his actions.   
  


‘I love you’ he tries to say with every single breath he takes in David’s presence. He wants to be so all consumed by his love for David so that anyone who looks at him can see it spilling out of his body. He tries to say it now, with his heart beating fast and steady against David’s hands. ‘I love you more than anything’

Patrick feels, not for the first time, like a worshiper on his knees before the heavens. David rose was the answer to a prayer he had never dared to speak aloud, and Patrick would be happy to spend the rest of his life looking at David as though he had wings and a halo.

He leaned forward a bit, resting his forehead against David’s and slowing his breathing. Breath in, one, two, three, four, breathe out, one, two, three, four... something they had practiced together quite a bit. It was always easier for David to calm down if he had someone leading him where he needed to go, and Patrick would take by him the hand and lead him anywhere. 

After a good few minutes, David’s panicked choppy breaths were coming out a bit steadier, and neither had made any move to change positions from where Patrick had their skin pressed together.

“Do you really want to spend the rest of your life doing this?” David asked quietly, too quietly, too small, too scared. Patrick knew clearly what he was referring to, David always felt immensely guilty for his panic attacks, even worse for his episodes, and would constantly give Patrick some sort of way out. David acted as though Patrick were obligated to stay, and Patrick felt like if he left he’d never be happy again. 

“Easiest decision of my life.” Patrick said, parroting himself during their engagement. Though this time, his voice was less light and airy and far more stern. “I’ll tell you as many times as you need, you know that? I love you David Rose. I want to Marry you David Rose. I want to spend my life with you David Rose.” 

When he sees David begin to tear up again, Patrick lets go of one of his hands and brings his own up to cradle his fiance's lovely face, thumb gently stroking his cheek. 

Looking conflicted for a moment, David considers Patricks words. He’s worried for just a moment David has an argument prepared, but David surprised him by lunging forward for a kiss. 

Patrick falls backward, thankfully managing to catch himself on his elbows before his head hits the ground behind them as David practically throws himself into Patricks lap, grabbing his face in his hands and kissing every part of Patrick that he can reach. 

Holding himself up with one hand, Patrick wraps an arm tightly around David’s shoulders and kisses him in earnest, always thankful for the moment David can breath again once he's back on land. 

“I love you Patrick Brewer.” David breathes into Patrick’s skin in between frantic kisses. “I can’t wait to marry you Patrick Brewer.” He says, clutching at Patricks face. Not like he's afraid he’ll run, but like he can’t pull him closer enough no matter how hard he tries. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life you Patrick Brewer.” 

Patrick smiles, holding him tightly and never wanting to let go, knowing he never has to let go. He runs his hand up and down David’s spine, kissing back and letting him speak when he needs. As much as he hated that David had to deal with these panic attacks, he was always thankful for these moments together afterward. David was truly at his most raw and vulnerable, and Patrick felt his heart swell knowing he was trusted with David in this state. 

They hold each other like this for a long time, neither wanting to make an attempt to pull back until Patrick remembers something important. 

“Not to ‘ruin the moment’ David but I did happen to bring some chocolate lava cake from that place in Elmdale you like? And it’s going to need to be refrigerated if you-” 

“You did?! You mean the four layer one with like-”   
  


“Like six different types of chocolate? That would be the one. Plus we gotta get your roses in water before the wilt.” 

David waves a hand in front of his face, eyes getting teary once more. 

“You know you’re the best right?” He says, slightly choked up.    
  


This will not be the end of David’s downswing, in fact Patrick was more than sure this wasn’t even the worst of it, but he was there for David, and would be for the rest of their lives. 

“What can I say?” Patrick smiles, “You bring it out in me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is my first finished fic since I was hmmm 14? asjhkasjhkjhk anyways I hope. you enjoyed!! please feel free to hmu on my sc blog @rosebudlesbian with like art or writing prompts or just sc thoughts, I'd love to hear them!


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